I have started writing and then deleted this so many times, it’s really like where do I start? How do I ease into a subject like this? Then I realized there is no way to ease into this, it is, what it is. Be prepared for some real talk, raw emotions, and at times what could be considered TMI (too much information), but honestly you can’t cover this subject without sharing practically everything – every experience, every feeling.
If you read the About Us blog post, you know we have been together nearly ten years, it will officially be ten years in January of 2019. What an amazing ten years it has been, we have experienced a lot, learned a lot, grew a lot, traveled a lot, but then again, one very important thing we haven’t experienced at all – parenthood.
I don’t know if it is the same for every woman, but ever since I can remember, I have longed to be a Mother. I remember as a child playing with baby dolls, as I got older I started to think of the names I would choose for my children, what they would look like, what kind of parent I wanted to be, wondering if I would be the “cool” one or the “strict” one, the list could go on…
The funny thing is, as a teen, and/or young twenty something year old you do everything you can to prevent pregnancy never really thinking that far ahead, never asking yourself, but what if I can’t get pregnant?
From almost the beginning Jon and I did nothing to prevent pregnancy. We didn’t actively try per say, but if it happened it happened. After a few years, we had come to the general realization that well, nothing had happened, and that something may be off. As we got a bit older, and more settled in our careers and finances we begin actively trying. After late periods we would take pregnancy tests, and what always followed was the disappointing negative results. Then the depression set in, along with all the usual questions, would this ever happen for us? and what did we do to deserve this? So after a little while, I decided it was time to go see my PCP. I spoke to him about my concerns and he suggested that I get my hormone levels tested, I did a simple blood test and waited for the results. Everything came back normal. The next thing would have been additional testing, however at this point my insurance wasn’t great and we were still young, about 25 or so, so we decided to give it a little time, try to take the pressure off, and see what happened before proceeding any further.
Fast forward to several years later (2017), I had recently changed jobs and with that came new insurance and a new PCP. After a little researched I realized that my new insurance covered 50% of all infertility related costs, which was not only almost unheard of but also great because infertility testing and treatments can be extremely expensive. We decided that it was time to get serious about getting pregnant. We weren’t getting any younger, and something was missing from our perfect little family – a baby. A lot much time had passed since I was last tested, so that coupled with the fact that we had a new Doctor, we figured that our first step would be scheduling appointments with our new PCP to go over our struggles with infertility.
Stay tuned, for much more about our journey to babyhood.
xoxo – angie
P.S. If you too have or are struggling with infertility and you would like to share, please feel free to comment below.