So what now?

After being infertile for over 10 years, we got pregnant but then lost our baby, which leaves us still infertile and even more brokenhearted.  The question is what do we do now?  Well, we know we have to wait for my body to fully heal from the miscarriage which according to our OBGYN could take up to one full month.  After that we have to wait for my body to have one regular menstrual cycle and then at that point we can try again.  Our OBGYN mentioned August which seems so far away.  Oddly enough though, that is when we had discussed doing our next IUI before all of this happened.

To be honest, I am scared.  We so desperately want a baby but this miscarriage totally rocked our world.  The mental and physical pain we endured and continue to endure to this day is not something I think we could ever endure again.  While we know now that we can get pregnant on our own, does that mean it will happen again this way?  Will we need to go through additional infertility treatments to help us get pregnant?  Now that we know I can get pregnant, will there be a reoccurring miscarriage problem?  There are just so many questions and not enough answers.  I really regret not doing the D and C.  I should have mustered up the courage to have the surgery.  I could have gotten so much more information, like where and why things went wrong.  We could have found out the sex of our baby (which we have always thought was a girl).  I could have saved myself a lot of pain and trauma but I was weak.  I know I am being hard on myself, I know, but this whole miscarriage had me thinking and second guessing every decision I made.  This is still not easy and I don’t think it ever will be.  How do you every move past the loss of your child?  You don’t.

If my body is fully healed and I’ve had a normal menstrual cycle by August, we want to start trying right away, despite our fear.  Whether or not we will choose to try naturally for a couple of months before we go through with another infertility treatment is yet to be determined.  There is a lot that goes into that decision and we still really need to discuss that.

So well will see, as the time gets closer, we will have a better idea of what route we will take all we know is that this miscarriage solidified in our minds that we are meant to be parents and we will be parents one way or another.