We’ve been dealing with infertility for over ten years and recently experienced our first pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage. I keep asking myself when does it get easier? When does the pain stop? When do we finally get our blessing?
I don’t understand why God chose this path for us or why other people get to be parents and we don’t. Why are terrible people blessed with beautiful babies who they hurt and abuse as we are over here praying for a child who we would love and nurture.
The grief never gets easier, if anything it has just become more difficult. We used to be grieving a dream, but now, now we are grieving the loss of our baby. The baby we never got to meet, to hold or watch grow. Instead I am sitting here empty inside, literally.
As much as a loss sucks and I mean really sucks, life goes on. I still have to get up, get dressed and go to work. I still have to come home cook dinner, clean the house, and pay the bills. I have to find a way to get through the grief because life doesn’t stop so I can’t either. As much as I really want to sometimes.
You know, grief is a crazy thing. It never really goes away, it just changes. It is something that you have to learn to live with. I’ve had to learn that is okay to be sad, to be happy, to be angry. It’s okay to have emotions and work through them. Life is hard and life sucks sometimes. What’s important is to hold out hope, hope that someday things will be better.