As soon as I found out I was officially pregnant I tried to call and set-up our first pregnancy appointment.  I tried to get it all set-up before we left but when I called they explained that they had nothing available between the day we would get back from Atlanta and the day I would leave for Las Vegas (we had just a week between the two).  I explained to them my situation, that we had been infertile for over ten years and that I needed the peace of mind of knowing that all was well with our baby.  I begged and pleaded, literally, and they agreed to put in a special note to the OBGYN to try and get me in sooner.  I was supposed to hear back the same day, but that didn’t happen.  I called over the weekend and they instructed me to call again Monday morning as soon as the office opened.  So as soon as the planes landing gear hit the runway, I was making the call.  There was no answer, so I left a message.  A few hours later I got a call back.

The lady on the phone was super sweet.  She explained that the only appointments they had available were for after I came back from Vegas.  Kaiser’s protocol is that every pregnant woman come in for an intake appointment first.  They counsel you and you get your labs done.  A few days after the intake appointment you have your first ultrasound appointment.  I realized that this was outside of protocol but I asked if there was anyway I could get in the week before I left to make sure everything was okay.  She said that she would put me in for an ultrasound and could get me in that day if we could make it to the office in 30 minutes.  No problem, we would be there.  We jumped in the car and drove quickly to the office which was about 30 minutes away.

Needless to say, I was both excited and nervous.  This entire time I had been very cautiously optimistic.  When you’ve dealt with infertility for as long as I have you learn not to get your hopes up.  We waited what seemed like forever in the waiting room.  When we were finally called in they were confused as to why we were there.  The lady on the phone had really looked out for us, as they told us that we shouldn’t be there before our intake.  They luckily did not send us home but instead said they couldn’t do much but they would do a viability and dating ultrasound which is exactly what we were hoping for.

After a bit more waiting the doctor came in where I explained our situation and my concerns.  After a little bit of talking she proceeded with the ultrasound.  This is where things took a turn.  At this point we were under the impression we were about 8 weeks along, at least according to how you are supposed to calculate your due date.  She moved the monitor to show us that there was in fact a gestational sac implanted in my uterus, but no sign of baby.  By 8 weeks we should be able to see something.  The OBGYN explained that my gestational sac was measuring more like six weeks so it is possible that I could have ovulated later.  It seemed like a reasonable explanation but in the pit of my stomach I knew something was wrong.  She then blurted out, or it could be a blighted ovum also known as a anembryonic pregnancy but that, that was normal.  She continued that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage and it is unlikely to happen a second time.

Now I don’t expect to be handled with kid gloves, but the sensitivity factor needs to be turned way up for someone who is dealing or had dealt with infertility.  If this pregnancy doesn’t work out, I don’t know if there will be a next time.

I broke down, and we left.  My heart was absolutely broken.  It would be about two and a half weeks before our next ultrasound.  That was two and a half weeks of pure torture, not knowing if our baby was okay.